SELF LOVE: THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVING YOURSELF FIRST
In many of my readings, a common theme takes place--self love/self care. But what does that actually mean, why is it so important, and what does this mean for us as individuals?
Well… without truly loving yourself and taking care of YOU first, the universe cannot align with the things you want because you build more resistance by not taking the critical step in LOVING YOU.
Self love and self care impacts our lives in so many different ways. It impacts our health, love lives, career goals, relationships with our employers, family, friends, etc., and it can also impact our finances as well.
Why is that? Because our thoughts about ourselves drives us in either positive or negative thought patterns. Accepting ourselves as we are helps us to live in the here and now and helps us to remove the resistance that we build up so that we feel WORTHY and we feel ABUNDANT and HAPPY. By loving yourself, you are giving the universe the signal that you are ready to co-create your life in a more positive self-fulfilling way. When we learn to love ourselves and no longer hold the resistance to the things we want, things begin to manifest right before our eyes.
Insecurities, negative self talk, impatience, and not loving ourselves causes major roadblocks in our lives. Learning to love ourselves is about giving us time to truly know who we are. Knowing what makes us feel good, what makes us passionate about something. By not taking the time to figure out who we are, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We set expectations and when our expectations do not match our reality, all hell breaks loose. We may think we truly want something but deep down inside that want is caused by some insecurity. We hang on to toxic relationships in fear of being alone. We stay in dead jobs in fear that we won’t be able to find another career path. We “pretend” to be happy by posting false personas when we share our lives on social media. We compare ourselves to one another. The list can go on and on…
The more we focus on all the negativity the more negative experiences, sets backs, resistance, etc. will follow us. Thinking negatively is often much easier for most people, because we are afraid that if we thinking positively and the things that we want do not come into fruition right away, then we let ourselves down. And there is the negative cycle creeping up on you and you continue to fall down the downward spiral. Negative self talk is a huge indicator that one does not love oneself. When we make jokes about ourselves (even if it seems innocent enough), when we think we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not worthy enough, too poor, too awkward, etc. etc. we are just creating resistance in our lives keeping us from truly being happy. We set up expectations and in this culture that we are living in we want things immediately. Think about this: We live in a time where instant gratification is everywhere. We apply for a credit card and can instantly get an approval or denial under 3 minutes. We don’t even need to leave our houses to buy food, clothes, household products-we have online shopping at our fingertips. We can apply for jobs online, bank accounts, mortgages; we can instantly connect with people through our phones, tablets, watches, and computers; we can acquire knowledge on any subject through various outlets on the web.
All this “instant-ness” doesn’t help us when we talk about manifesting and building a life we love because we set up expectations that these things will happen instantaneously if we think positively.
We need to focus on ourselves. We need to take a time-out from technology and the outside world and begin to look within ourselves. We need to start asking ourselves the most important questions. What would make me happy? What do I want out of my life? What are my strengths? My weaknesses? What do I want to improve on? What habits can I get rid of? We also need to learn to love ourselves as we are in all our imperfections. We need to be comfortable with ourselves and truly love ourselves before we can allow love to come in and abundance.
How can we provide self love and care?
Here are some helpful tips on getting there:
Taking a nice walk and getting some fresh air. This can be done alone or with friends, but I always find going solo to be beneficial.
Taking a nice hot bubble bath - spoil yourself in this process and make it fun. Buy some bath bombs, or bubble bath soap. Throw in some rose petals/soap petals. Dim the lights or close the blinds. Light some candles (scented or non). Listen to some uplifting music. I often will YouTube meditation music (you can even do a guided meditation for self love).
Meditating.
Writing in a journal and expressing how you feel.
Writing positive affirmations daily. I try to write at least 25. You can even look them up for self love. I find writing my own and being specific is powerful.
Some examples:
“ I am so grateful that I have unique and exotic facial features”
“ I am so in love with my natural curls.”
“ I am so happy that I am unique and special.”
“ I am so proud at how in control I am of my life.”
“ I am thankful that I am empowered in my life to do the things that I love and care most about.”
Reading a book.
Getting creative-whether that means playing an instrument, painting, drawing, or taking out the arts & crafts bin.
Take a walk along the shoreline.
Hiking
Camping
Pampering yourself-- going to the salon to get your hair and nails done.
Treating yourself to a piece of dark chocolate.
Retail therapy.
Singing in the shower
Dancing. Every morning my two year old son and I wake up and throw on some jams and do a little morning dance. This helps me wake up and be in a better mood.
Ensuring you go to the doctor for your annual check ups
Pick a part of yourself that you do not love and focus on giving it love and attention. Start doing this for every part of you, you wish to change. The intention here is that if you give these parts of your body love, you will eventually start to feel more confident and have a positive body image.
Write a bucket list. If you have a bucket list, start checking some of those babies off!
Get out of your comfort zone--take risks! For years I feared going to concerts and movies by myself. After a really painful breakup I forced myself to do things that made me feel uncomfortable. And you know what? I made so many friends and I even enjoyed those experiences so much more than if I was with someone.
Change your self-talk. Start complimenting yourself. Don’t be so hard when you do not succeed the first time. Tell yourself that you will try better next time, or that in order to succeed you need to learn from your failures.
Allow yourself to be silly. Take some time out to joke around, laugh, or play with child like innocence.
Focus on the here and now. Observe your surroundings.
Focus on your breathing.
Designate a day/days to do things. For instance, every day I choose one chore to do so that by the weekend I can just relax and have fun with my family.
Let go of things that no longer serve you. Relationships, materialistic things, feelings, thoughts, experiences… let it go. Harboring them only creates chaos.
Unplug from the world. Shut off your electronics and just stay in silence. You can take a nap, meditate, be present and observe your surroundings. The point here is to not be connected from everything and everyone. To divert your attention to yourself.
Eat healthy, or incorporate one healthy thing daily.
Use essential oils with a diffuser. I love lavender, peppermint, orange, etc.
Soak up the sun. 15 minutes of just being in the sun is beneficial for your wellbeing. Longer than that has potential risks so just be careful and use sunblock!
Lift yourself up- talk to yourself as if you were your best friend. How would they describe you? What would they love about you?
Pet Therapy- If you have animals spend time with them. If you do not, you are always welcome to your local pet shelters.
Volunteer. Find a cause that you are passionate about and take some time to devote yourself to that cause in anyway that you can. Don’t just donate money.
Ask for help. Do not be afraid to reach out to family or friends or to talk to your spouse/significant others about what you need help with. These things can be simple like chores, or lending an ear.
Cherish the small things.
Keep your living space neat and tidy or organize in your own way.
Write your negative thoughts down and let them go. I find writing and then burning this a great way to let things go. Always use safety first!
Small act of kindness a day. Hold a door, smile at someone and say hello, “pay it forward” by purchasing someone a coffee. Helping a stranger in need of change, etc.
Acknowledge your feelings and give them attention.
Stretch your limbs!
Be selfish. Do one thing a day that will make YOU happy. Lately my one thing is taking a time out and enjoying a pineapple Malibu. It makes me feel like I am on my own private tropical island.
Notice what drives your choices. Do you typically lead with your head or with your heart? Do the opposite and see how you feel.
Go on a picnic.
Star gaze.
Pick up a new hobby. I started to learn how to knit, and I am so happy I started. It’s completely soothing.
Go some place you haven’t been to in a really long time. I love bouts of nostalgia, more so of my childhood. Be careful with this, however, you do not want to go some place that you will have a negative experience- such as a place you went with an ex and end up missing them.
Yoga.
Share with me your thoughts on how you utilize self love and care in your day to day life!
Love and Light!
Erica
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